www. Char l es tonPhys i c i ans . com | www.Hea l thL i nksChar l es ton . com | 41 “Low self-esteem, insecurity, a low sense of self-worth … they really are fueling jealousy in such a big way,” Quarles stated. Facing the origins of one’s jealousy can be a vulnerable, even humbling process. Patients may find themselves having to answerdifficult questions, ranging from analyzing their own insecurities to examining the maladaptive or extreme ways they may have dealt with jealousy in the past. Therapy requires patients to not only look at the origin of jealousy, but also, Quarles added, “to look at how it has infiltrated different parts of one’s life.” While Quarles primarily works with adolescents who have experienced some sort of trauma, she emphasized that jealousy is an emotion that turns up in a multitude of relationships, including, but not limited to, romantic, familial, platonic and work-based relationships. “One thing we’ll do to support patients is help them discern healthy versus unhealthy levels of jealousy,” Quarles added. “Is the jealousy creating anxiety, aggression or other maladaptive behavioral functions?” Though there are a variety of practices that can benefit those suffering from extreme jealousy, Quarles said she often employs mindfulness techniques to better support her patients. These techniques can address both the physical and the mental effects of jealousy; they allow the patient to develop impulse control skills as well as unlearn unhealthy physical and mental habits. Quarles employs physical calming techniques such as deep breathing and muscle relaxation exercises to teach patients to slow themselves down physically. “We also do a lot of work to try to stay in the moment,” Quarles stated, mentioning that part of her job is to encourage her patients to examine situations logically instead of emotionally. “ Look at the evidence you have in your life right now. Just because something happened to you in the past does not mean it’s happening to you now.” she said While jealousy can be difficult to confront even on the best of days, one of the most difficult hurdles for those feeling it can be the shame and stigma associated with the emotion. An emotion with that much baggage can be hard to accept, let alone address. “It is important that we reduce the shame around jealousy,” said Quarles, adding that the very act of keeping it private often translates to those aforementioned maladaptive behaviors. Quarles’s advice for those struggling to manage jealousy? “Have compassion with yourself. And when the emotion seems too big to handle, reach out to a third party or a therapist,” she said. Jealousy, that green-eyed monster of old, has caused its fair share of hardship over the years. However, not all of its effects are bad. Though jealousy is often perceived as a negative emotion, addressing it in responsible ways can lead to important, even positive, breakthroughs. “When you begin to address jealousy, you begin to identify and address unmet needs,” said Quarles. “ “ One thing we’ll do to support patients is help them discern healthy versus unhealthy levels of jealousy.
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